Welcom back 6000…always a pleasure!

Where is 6000?
A Bosparra.com EXCLUSIVE!

Lost in the veld? Missing in action? Assassinated by the infamous My Name is Bother [sic]? Or maybe just helping out Uncle Morgan and his chums in Zim?

Actually, none of the above, my beskaafd friends. My lack of recent writing for my esteemed hosts at Bosparra.com can be put down to a single cause - sheer bloody laziness because of people in Gauteng.

Please, allow me to explain:
When I moved down here from the hectic world of Oxford, UK (which really isn’t anything like you think it is, unless you think of it being like a huge number of drug addicts in an area with a few pretty buildings and a complete lack of geological features - a bit like the Cape Flats, but with pretty buildings) I was led to believe that life in SA would be easy. OK, the rugby really wasn’t that good, the football even worse and the captain of your cricket team could do with losing a few kilos, but making up for that was those dubious sporting issues was the fact that Cape Town has a reputation for being so laid back that working even on Friday morning is frowned upon. That big mountain isn’t horizontal for no reason - it’s a reminder to the city’s residents of the position each and every Capetonian should constantly be striving to attain.

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Welcome back 6000…

Exactly what are our politicians up to while the well-documented violence against foreign nationals spreads to each and every corner of the country?

President Thabo Mbeki has been widely criticised for his lack of prompt action when the attacks started in Alexandra last week (or earlier, according to some sources). And rightly so, I would argue. Whether or not you believe that deploying troops sooner would have stopped the violence from spreading (I don’t), not deploying them merely allowed the attacks to continue almost completely unabated as the police, outnumbered and outmanoeuvered by the mobs in the townships, were obviously unable to cope.

Deputy President Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, a woman generally well-respected since her intervention in the HIV policy-making decisions had been quiet - until yesterday. At which point, I wished she’d stayed quiet. Visiting Nigeria, Mlambo-Ngcuka issued South Africa’s fist public apology for the violence. Like this:

We are very much concerned and apologise for all the inconvenience that the incidents have caused
The “inconvenience”? That’s what I expect from the local supermarket manager when they don’t have stock of seedless raspberry jam. It’s what I want to hear on the loudspeaker on Platform 6a when my train is 10 minutes late. Personally, I don’t think “inconvenience” is quite enough to cover over 40+ dead and 20,000 displaced (read “fleeing for their lives”). Another government own goal?
Even charismatic Jacob Zuma, our President-in-waiting spoke out early on against the violence, but has since fallen silent as the wave of attacks continues to escalate. I find this very strange - Zuma has previously been quick to capitalise on any sign of Mbeki’s weakness. It’s almost a trademark stategy of his. So could it be that even JZ doesn’t have an answer to these problems?

So while the ANC provaricates and struggles to provide answers, solutions, reasons or even a half-decent apology for the violence, what has the oppostition been up to? Well, finally, Helen Zille, leader of the DA, has come out with a statement. Not surprisingly, she blames government policy for the troubles and not surprisingly, she suggests that her party would do better if they were given a chance to run the country. Keep dreaming, Helen. What’s missing from that statement is any short-term solution. And while most people are well aware that the reasons for these problems need to be addressed, people are being killed every day. So yes, we need “proactive steps to address the root cause of the xenophobic violence”, but first we need to actually control what is happening in the informal settlements across South Africa right now.

I mentioned yesterday that Intelligence Minister Ronnie Kasrils had noted the involvement of opportunistic elements in the violence. And in an interesting opportunistic move, the Zimbabwe Government - the reason that most Zim immigrants are here in the first place - have offered to help repatriate those displaced by the attacks. Presumably, those repatriated individuals will then vote ZANU-PF in the upcoming Presidential run-off.

Other developments:
Tourists cancel trips to SA - an over-reaction
Army kills man - not an over-reaction
Miners may leave - completely normal reaction

http://6000.co.za

Welkom terug 6000…

Sensationalist reporting is back!

Today’s Cape Times runs a front page story on the a problem which put the Table Mountain Cableway out of action for a whole 35 (thirty-five) minutes yesterday afternoon. Woo. [link] Yet, despite the fact that there were a total of no injuries, no snapped cables, no plunging tourists, merely a blown fuse, we get 1000 words and an overflow onto page 3 about upset people waiting to use the cable car and how Eskom cut the power to it in January (an incident objectively described by the reporter as the passengers’ “worst nightmare”).

Nerish Rempul of Durban, who was looking forward to his third cable car ride, said the situation was “terrible”. “I’m here with two friends but we’re leaving now. We probably won’t get another chance to use the cable car because we’re going home tomorrow. It’s truly terrible.”

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Our next guest blogger on Bosparra is 6000 ‘Filling you in on the absurdities of life in Cape Town: the trials and tribulations of fatherhood, the utterly futile search for decent customer service, daily encounters with bizarre South Africanisms and why no-one believes me when I tell them about the zebras’…a warm welcome to 6000! and ‘baie dankie!’…

Great news! (if you’re Cuban, that is.) According to this morning’s Cape Times, the South African government has written off a 12-year-old debt owed to it by Cuba for export insurance relating to diesel engines, pesticides, Joost van der Westhuizen promotional mechandise and biltong.

Very generous. Very, very generous in fact, when you hear that the debt totalled R926,8million. Now although the current exchange rates mean that that princely sum would buy you a prawn mayo sandwich in London, it’s still a whole lotta Rands. Government communications head Themba Maseko told a media briefing following Wednesday’s regular Cabinet meeting:

Given the assessment of Cuba’s debt position, government is of the view that Cuba was not in a position to meet its obligations in the foreseeable future.

I’ll bet that little gem of an announcement was slipped in right at the end of the briefing, following 4 hours waffling about exciting social grant allocation, fishing subsidies, landfill waste statistics and annual concrete price fluctuations. “Oh - and for those of you still here and still awake, we also voted to write off a billion Rands worth of debt to the Castro brothers. Thank you all very much, see you next week.”

At this point, I’d like to introduce you all to my bond. My mortgage. The money I borrowed from the bank to pay for my house. Now, to coin an official government phrase, “Given the assessment of my debt position, I am of the view that I am not in a position to meet my obligations in the forseeable future.” This, by inference and extrapolation, together with a good dollop of subjectivity and bias, therefore means that my bank can write off all that I owe it and I can celebrate with a few mojitos and a fat cigar. Right?

Wrong. Despite the fact that I could be doing better things with my cash than throwing it into the ever-deepening pit of excessive interest payments, a pit which now dwarfs Kimberley’s Big Hole (and here I refer to the city in the Northern Cape, not the lass on Sea Point Main Road) - I still have to pay it back. Life is just so unfair.

Seriously though, what could South Africa have done with that billion Rand? Well, maybe the answers are right in front of us on the same Cape Times website: Prevent deaths through water-borne disease in Soweto? Fight the scourge of alcohol abuse and tik which is ruining students futures? Reducing child mortality rates, which are still on the rise? Look, I know Cuba has problems too. But I pay tax in SA. For SA.